Choices
by Samantha Beatrice
Summary: Clarissa Morgenstern, Princess of Idris, has to make a choice. She's just turned seventeen, and now has to choose who she will marry. When she refuses to choose, her parents engage her to Sebastian Verlac. Facing her feelings, she realizes that she doesn't love him, and never will. Even more startling, she realizes she loves someone else, but has she realized it too late?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I have been dreading my seventeenth birthday since I was twelve. That was when I first realized what would happen. That I would have to pick someone to marry.

Today is my seventeenth birthday. I talked my parents into not having a ball. They grudgingly agreed, but I could tell they weren't happy about it. The ball is supposed to be so I can help pick a husband. I'm supposed to find someone who interests me, and marry them.

That's not going to happen.

I don't want to get married. And even if I did, I'd want to do it for love, not because I was told to. If my parents think that I'm just going to marry because they want me to, they're going to be in for a big surprise.

So here I am, sitting in my room, with my door locked, on my seventeenth birthday.

My parents finally stopped banging on my door after about an hour of nonstop banging. They kept trying to get me to come out. At first they were concerned that I wasn't coming out, but it soon turned to anger. They thought I was being immature and childish, and told me I should be acting like a princess. After an hour of switching between anger and concern, they finally realized that I wasn't going to open my door. They left, fuming, and probably went to go look at all the eligible bachelors they wanted me to choose from.

Groaning I fall on to my bed.

I'm going crazy thinking about this. About them forcing me to choose. I don't want to choose. I'm not ready to get to choose someone to marry. Hell I'm not ready to get married. I don't want to have to pick someone to marry, because that's like picking my new life.

Sitting up I walk over and grab my phone. I punch in a number and wait for the person to answer. On the third ring someone picks up, "You know, hiding in your room isn't going to solve the problem."

"Izzy, how do you even know that?" I ask, shocked, "Are you in the castle?"

"No, Jon texted me. He was worried, and said that you would probably call me." She says matter-of-factly.

I roll my eyes. Of course Jon did. "Iz, what am I going to do?"

"Well, you could hide in your room for the rest of your life." She says.

"I'm serious." I say, biting my lip, "I don't want to get married."

"One, you wouldn't have to get married for a few more years, you just have to pick someone to marry. Two, Clary, I know, but you have to tell your parents that. They're your parents, they won't force you to do something you don't want to do." She says.

"Do you really think I haven't tried that? I've asked them about a million times, but they say, and I quote, 'It's tradition that a princess choose who she marries when she's seventeen, and you will keep to that tradition.'" I say, tears forming in the corners of my eyes.

"Well, I could threaten to step on them with my nine inch heels." Isabelle suggests. I laugh a little, and a tear falls down my face.

"Really?" I ask, wiping at the tears in my eyes.

"Of course." She says, "I'd do anything for you."

"Thanks Iz." I say, a smile on my face. Someone starts banging on my door again, and I groan. "Is someone knocking on your door?" I groan again, which is all the answer she needs. "Open it. Now. I'll talk to you later." And with that, she hangs up.

Sighing I walk over to my door. Somehow I think if I don't answer it Isabelle will somehow know, and hunt me down for not answering it. As I get closer, the banging becomes more and more persistent. I open the door and find my brother Jonathan standing in front of it.

He looks startled that I opened the door. No doubt he heard my parents banging on it for about an hour, and thought he'd have no luck with getting me out either. I guess it's his lucky day. "What." I snap.

"I just want to talk." He says, then walks in and shuts the door behind him. Sighing I walk back over to my bed and fall onto it. Jon laughs and come sits next to me. For a while we just sit there without talking. It's nice, to just sit here, but I know he wants to talk.

"Okay." I say, pushing my red curls out of my face and sitting up, "I'm ready."

He gives me a small smile before saying, "I know you don't want to do this. Marriage is something that you've never wanted to happen. I also know that if you wanted to get married, you want to do it for love. As your brother, I want nothing more for you to marry for love. But you are a princess, and you have certain responsibilities. One of them is picking someone to marry."

"I know." I say, feeling defeated.

"Clare, you don't have to marry this guy the day you choose him. You just have to pick him. You can marry him in two, three years. And maybe, by that time, you'll learn to love him." He says, trying to give me some hope.

"But maybe I won't." I say.

"But you're going to have to take that chance." Jon says.

"But I don't want to." I say, anger coursing through my body, "I don't want to take that chance. It's my future life, and I don't want to take chances with it. Whoever I pick, that's who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. I shouldn't have to make that choice now." I'm practically screaming by the end.

I see Jon's hands clench. "I want nothing more for you to not get married. You're my little sister, if it was up to me, you would never get married. But it's not. You're going to need to make a choice." He says, "And if you don't, mom and dad are going to make it for you."

I look at him, shocked. They wouldn't make the decision for me, would they? It's my choice. But if I don't pick…

Would they?

 **(a/n) Thanks so much for reading. I know this chapter is a little short, but it's the first chapter.**

 **Please leave a review. I'm pretty sure I'm going to continue this story, but I'm not a 100 percent sure yet. So leaving a review would be really helpful, just because I'd get a feel if you like this story or not.**

 **Thanks, darlings.**

 **-Samantha Beatrice.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It's been a week since my seventeenth birthday, and I still haven't come to terms with having to choose someone to marry.

I've been spending most of my time in my room. Half the time my doors locked, because my parents keep trying to come in and talk to me about it. They keep trying to make me make a choice, but I keep putting it off due to the fact that it's such a big choice.

Thankfully they're giving me space on making a choice, but now they've moved on to trying to have a ball so I can meet all the eligibles. That's what I've started to call them. The eligibles. Not 'future husbands' or 'promising bachelors' but the eligibles. That's what they are to me, just people that are eligible for me to marry them.

Today I'm staring at a blank canvas, trying to figure out what to paint. I keep wanting to paint my feelings, but I can't seem to paint them. I've been staring at it for about ten minutes, and still, I can't figure out how to paint them. Frustrated I run my paintbrush over the canvas, leaving a big red streak on the canvas.

I can't help but think it's fitting.

A laugh from behind me makes me spin around. I find my brother standing behind me, a smile plastered onto his face. I glare it him, which only makes him smile more.

Of all the times I didn't lock my door, it had to be this time.

Still smiling he walks over to me and stares thoughtfully at the painting. I continue to glare at him while he looks at it, but he just ignores me. Finally he looks at me and says, "It resonates deep into my soul."

I hit his arm.

He fakes being hurt, and I roll my eyes. Turning my back to him I walk away. I make it about three steps before he picks me up and throws me over his shoulder.

"Jon!" I scream, pounding in his back, "Put me down!"

He just laughs and keeps walking, ignoring my futile attempts at getting out of his grip. Eventually I give up and hang limply on his shoulder, letting him take me wherever he's going.

"Can I at least ask where you're taking me?" I ask.

"Nope." He says, and I hit his back, which just makes him laugh again. Even though I hate this, I can't help but think that I won't have this for much longer. After I make my choice, I won't have these days with Jon anymore.

Turning down a hall I finally figure out where we're going. Jon walks into the throne room, where our parents are no doubt sitting on their thrones. When we get to the center of the room Jon does a little bow, and then sets me down on the floor.

I glare at him and hit his arm none to gently, but it doesn't even faze him. Damn him and his muscular arms.

I turn around and find my parents sitting on their thrones, an amused look on their faces. It's the people next to them that make me scream with delight.

I race over to them, and tackle Stephen in a bear hug first. He hugs me back, wrapping me in a tight hug before letting me go. We exchange a few words before I tackle his wife, Celine, in a hug next. She hugs me, holding me close while we whisper in each other's ears. Reluctantly I pull away from her and face the final member of the Herondale family, they're son, Jace.

He opens his arms, and after hesitating for only a second I hug him too. He wraps is strong arms around me and whispers in my ear, "Did you miss me?"

"Don't make me regret this hug Goldie Locks." I whisper back, then pull away.

He keeps his arms tight, not letting me pull away, and whispers in my ear, "Lying isn't a good habit to get into."

"Neither is holding people against their will." I shoot back. He laughs and lets me go, and I walk back over to Jonathan, a smile on my face. The Herondale's like a second family to me, even if Jace isn't my favorite person. I've known them my whole life.

My smile slowly slips of my face as I think about why they're here. Especially because I have no idea why.

"Why are you guys here?" I ask.

Celine gives me a skeptical look before answering, "For the ball of course. The one tonight, for you, so you can meet people. Seriously darling, did you already forget about it?"

At the mention of the ball I see Jace stiffen out of the corner of my eye. I ignore it, too startled that my parents are having the ball tonight. And that they didn't tell me. "Of course, it just slipped my mind." I say, giving a pointed look at my parents. They don't meet my gaze, and I smile smugly to myself. Then a thought comes into my head. A devilish smile creeps onto my face as I say, "So is Jace here to participate? Has he finally admitted to his feelings for me?"

Celine and Stephen laugh while Jace stiffens even more. Flustered he says, "Of-of course not." When he stutters it makes his parents laugh even more, and I crack a smile. I like seeing Jace flustered.

"Really? So then why did you come?" I ask, a sly smile on my face.

"That is for me to know, and you to wonder." He says, regaining his composure. I fake pout, which causes him to say, "Did you want me to participate? Have you finally admitted your feelings for me?"

Now it's my turn to be flustered. "In your dreams pretty boy."

"Always." He says with a wink, making me blush bright red. Everyone laughs then, making me blush even redder. Once they finally calm down I remember where this conversation started. With the ball. Tonight.

Suddenly I don't feel like smiling anymore. The mood becomes somber, and soon the room becomes quiet. I press my lips together, still thinking about tonight.

"If you will excuse me, I think I'm going to go rest in my room. I don't want to be tired for tonight." I say, and then leave before anyone says anything. As I leave I feel one pair of eyes on me as I leave, belonging to one golden eyed boy.

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When I get to my room I close the door and lock it. I slid down the door, putting my head in my hands. Tonight, the ball is tonight. My parents are introducing me to all the eligibles tonight. And then I'm soon going to pick one of them.

I feel sick to my stomach.

I grab my phone and dial Isabelle's number. She picks up on the first ring. "I know. I heard. I'm at the gate now, but the idiots out here aren't letting me in."

"Hand the phone over to them." I say, and a few seconds later a deep voice says, "Hello?"

"Yes, this is Clarissa, and I would really appreciate it if you would open the gate for my friend." I say sweetly, even though I feel like banging his head against the gate.

"Of course. I'll let her in." He says, obviously shocked that he's talking to me. There's some shuffling noises and then the sound of the gate opening.

"Thanks doll. I'll be up in a minute." Isabelle says before she hangs up. I stand up and start pacing around my room, unable to stand still anymore. A few seconds later a knock sounds on my door and I practically run over to the door.

"Isabelle thank god you-" I start until I realize the person standing in front of me is most certainly not Isabelle. "You're not Isabelle."

"No I'm not." A certain golden boy says.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, curious.

"Do you mean 'here' as in your room, or 'here' as in the great, spiritual question of our purpose on this planet?" He asks. The look I give him is the only answer he needs. He coughs nervously before saying, "You looked pretty distraught when you left, I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

I look at him. Since when does Jace care about my well-being? "No I'm not, but there's nothing you can do to change that, so I'm going to say yes, and you will then except that answer, then walk away. Okay?" I say.

"Clary, if your no-" He starts, but I cut him off.

"Please." I whisper, and look at his golden eyes. He looks at me, trying to figure out what's wrong, but I know he won't be able to figure it out, so I meet his gaze. We stand there, our eyes locked, until a cough makes us both jump.

I look over and see Isabelle, and relief instantly floods me. I'm so glad to see her.

I grab her arm and push her into my room, then say, "I'm fine." Then slam the door in Jace's face before he can say anything else. I quickly lock it, and make a mental note to never open that door again.

"What was that about?" Isabelle asks, her eyebrows raised.

"He wanted to make sure I was okay, because he was there when my parents told me about the ball tonight." I say, giving her all the answers she needs to figure out the rest.

She just nods, but then her face lights up. I groan, nothing ever good comes after I see that face. "Wait he followed you to your room, just to make sure you were okay? Clare! He totally cares about you, and not in a friendly way."

I was right, I do not like where this conversation is going. "Iz, can we not talk about this?" I ask hopefully, my face turning slightly pink.

"Clare, come on. You know you like him, and he seems to like you." Izzy says with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle. I blush, but quickly compose myself.

"I do not like Jace. He reminds me of eight inch heels." I say with a look of disgust.

Izzy gives me a confused look and asks, "Why?"

"Because he's over the top, and painful to talk to." I say, earning a laugh out of my best friend.

"Okay, okay, I'll let it drop." She says, and I give her a grateful smile. Then she adds, "For now."

"Fine." I say, just glad that I'll one less thing to think about. Thoughts of the ball come back into my head. I have no idea how I'm going to survive tonight. "Iz, what am I going to do?"

She gives a heavy sigh. "I don't know." She says, making my give her an incredulous look. She always knows what to do. "But I do know what you're not going to do." She says her voice firm, "You are not going to hide in your room for two reasons. One, is that it's very un-lady like. You're a princess, and princess do not hide from the world. Two, is that if you stay in here, you're just proving to everyone that you're not strong enough to take on this challenge."

I sigh, knowing that she's right. "Okay." I say, knowing that she's figured out what I'm going to do by now, "What am I going to do then?"

"You." She says, giving me a devilish smirk, "Are going to go to that ball, and make everyone drop dead."

I laugh, then say, "How am I going to do that? Remember, this is me that you're talking about."

"I know." She says, giving me a sideways look. And at that point, I realize exactly what she's going to do.

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Three hours of torture.

That's what she wanted to do, torture me for three hours.

She poked and prodded me with all different kinds of torture devices, and made me try on at least two dozen dresses and twice as many shoes. By the time she's done I never want to see another dress again in my life.

But I have to say, the final product was worth it.

I'm wearing a strapless navy blue dress with a sweetheart neckline. The bodice has swirls of silver over it, and gems add little bits of sparkle to the bodice. A high low chiffon skirt attaches to the bodice. It reach to right below my mid-thigh in the front and falls all the way to the floor in the back. I'm wearing black platform heels that add at least four inches to my height, and make my legs look longer than they are. My hair was calmed down and made to fall in loose curls, but that was it, since I wanted to keep my hair down.

Isabelle insisted that my makeup be bold, but I was a little hesitant. Compromising she did a dramatic smoky eye with a wing-tip eyeliner to make my green eyes pop against the dark colors. Adding a dark red lipstick she's done.

With the dark dress and semi-bold makeup, I have to admit, I look stunning.

I turn around and face Isabelle. She has a satisfied smirk on her face. "Those boys are going to drop dead at the sight of you." She says.

I laugh but I can't help but think that she's right.

Maybe tonight will be fun after all.

"Thanks Izzy." I say, "I don't know what I would do without you."

"I know, now go drop 'em dead." She says, giving me a little push out the door. I laugh and walk out the door and down to the ballroom. Taking a deep breath, I walk inside.

 **(a/n) As you can see, I decided I did want to continue this story. Yay! Thanks so much to everyone who has followed and favorited the story, and to all of you who haven't, thank you so much for just reading my story.**

 **So I'll be trying to update twice a week, but since my schools starts on Manday (boo), it might have to be less, but I'll promise to try.**

 **Don't forget to leave a review! Thanks, darlings**

 **-Samantha Beatrice**

 **p.s did anyone see the quote from TMI? Did ya?**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I can't do this.

I'm about to bolt out of the ballroom, but before I can move Jon steps up next to me and hooks his arm through mine. He leads me over to where our parents stand, watching me. Everyone's eyes are on me, and I feel like a deer caught in the headlights.

Why did I let Izzy make me look like this?

I should have just come in sweatpants and a t-shirt.

We reach my parents and I curtsy to them. The music stops playing as my father raises his hand for silence. When the already quiet room silences, he says, "As you all know, my daughter just turned seventeen. Now, it is tradition that when a princess turns seventeen, she is to choose someone to marry. This ball is so that she can meet all of you, and, hopefully, one of you fine gentlemen can steal her heart." At that a chuckle runs through the room, but all I feel is a wave of sickness, "But, she is my daughter, so stay in check." He says with false sternness.

Clapping fills the room and the music starts to play again. People all grab dance partners, and before anyone else can dance with me, Jon grabs my hand and pulls me after him. Relief washes through me, I don't have to dance with any of the eligibles yet.

The song picks up, and Jon arranges us in the correct position. I let him lead, knowing that I'm too distracted to lead, and that I'd probably fall over in these heels. I'm starting to really regret wearing them.

"Can I lock you in a room for the rest of the night?" Jon asks, trying to lighten the mood.

"Please do." I say, giving him a pleading look. He just laughs and spins me.

"Seriously though, did you have to wear that, and do your makeup like that? You look to beautiful for your own good." He says, only half joking.

"Izzy." I say, giving him all the answer he needs.

"And suddenly everything makes sense." He says, and I laugh. We dance for the whole song, talking lightly. The song comes to its inevitable end, and before I can say so much as two words, someone else sweeps me away in a dance.

Soon I've danced with so many people they've all started to blur together. They're names and voices blend, all of them becoming one horrible person.

Currently I'm dancing with someone who's holding me to close and is obviously drunk. I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn to find a man with black hair and dark brown eyes. He sweeps me away in a dance, and I'm so grateful to get out of the other man's grip.

"Thank you." I say.

"It looked like you needed a little help." He says, "I'm just happy I could be the one to do it." He smiles, and I take a good look at him. His black hair is a striking contrast to his pale skin, and his brown eyes are so dark they almost look black. I can't help but think he's quite handsome.

"You're Sebastian, right?" I ask, making sure I know his name, especially since he doesn't seem half bad.

"The one and only." He says, flashing another smile. We dance to the song, and I can't help but enjoy it slightly. He's not a bad dancer, but I can't help but notice that after he spins me, he pulls me a little closer. By the time the song ends, we're practically chest to chest.

I step away quickly, flustered. He smiles, and I curtsy to him. He bows back, and I barely have time to thank him for the dance before I'm swept off in another.

After a few hours of dancing, I finally slip off the dance floor. I find myself in a corner mostly empty of people, and I relish the break from all the eligibles. I get a few blissful minutes to myself before a laugh make me turn around.

Behind me is Jace, and he's laughing. I glare at him, and say, "You try dancing with all those people, it's exhausting. Not to mention half of them are drunk."

He just laughs and grabs my hand, pulling me back onto the dance floor. I start to protest but he gives me an exasperated look I just go with it. He arranges us in the right position, and we start to dance. "We'll take it slow." He whisper in my ear, and I nod, grateful.

"Now." He says, and I'm starting to dread his next words, "Why were you so upset this morning?"

I groan and turn away, trying to walk away, but he just spins me and pulls me back to him. I glare at him, and press my lips tightly closed. "What was bothering you?" He asks again.

I press my lips shut tightly. Seeing that I'm not going to answer, Jace starts moving us into an intricate dance, and soon I'm struggling to keep up. "Jace." I gasp as he spins me again, almost making me fall over.

"I'll stop." He says, pulling me back into a normal position, "When you tell me what is wrong."

I look at him shocked. He can't be serious, can he? As if reading my mind, he lifts an eyebrow, daring me to test him. Sighing, I say, "Fine." I say, and he beams, "But you have to answer one question first. Why do you care?"

He looks me straight in the eye, and says, "Because for some reason I don't like seeing you upset."

Shocked I just stare at him, looking into his gold eyes to see if he's lying. The strange thing is, is that I don't think he is lying. Taking a deep breath I say, "I'm upset, because my parents are going to force me to marry on of the men in this room. I don't want that. I don't want _them_. Marriage is something that shouldn't be forced. If I marry, I want to marry for love, not because someone told me to."

Obviously shocked, Jace is for once speechless. After a few moments he regains his bearings, and says, "Clary, then why don't you just tell them that?"

"It's not that easy." I say, giving him a look.

"Yes it is." He says.

"I've already tried that. They don't listen." I say. He clenches his jaw, and I'm starting to wonder why he cares so much. Before I can ask, the song ends, and I'm swept in to the next dance of the night.

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The night finally ends. The music dies down and people start to leave. I thank each and every one of them for coming, even though all I really want to do is sprint up to my room and slam the door shut.

Eventually everyone's gone, and the only people left in the ballroom are me and my family. I quickly excuse myself, not wanting to talk to them. They'll just want to ask me who I want to pick, and right now, I just need to think about it.

I walk up to my room, exhausted, and find Isabelle asleep on my bed. I smile, glad that she's still here. I silently change out of my dress and take off my makeup, then quietly slip into the bed next to her.

She stirs slightly, but doesn't wake up. I sigh in relief. She may be my best friend, but if she woke up, I don't think she'd stop talking until tomorrow.

Curling up under my covers, I close my eyes and fall asleep with thoughts of the ball running through my head.

 **(a/n) Thanks so much for reading! And thanks for all the follows and favs! I'm so glad you guys like my story.**

 **To Helen, don't worry, I am going to continue the story**

 **To Jammyherbooks, thanks so much for the review, it made me laugh**

 **Anyways I'll be trying to update again later in the week, but no promises. I'm taking journalism, and it's already a ton of work so I'll see what I can do. Thanks for reading darlings**

 **-Samantha Beatrice**


	4. Chapter 4

**(a/n) Sooooooooo, I since I'm probably going to have a bunch of homework next week I wanted to post again today. Lucky you! I posted yesterday and today! Well I hope you like it. And please don't kill me when you finish.**

 **-Samantha Beatrice**

Chapter 4

It's been two days since the ball. The day after I locked myself in my room. I didn't open the door for anyone. It was shut, and not even the insisting banging from my parents or brother would get me to open the door.

I realized I couldn't hide in my room forever, so I left my room to face my parents. It has to happen, I know that, but it doesn't make it any easier. So before I could change my mind I slipped on a simple tan dress and left my room.

I headed towards the throne room, since that's where I'm assuming they are. When I get there I see that I'm right. They sit on their thrones, quietly talking to each other. When they see me they stop talking. I walk over to them, and they follow me with they're eyes.

"Mother, Father." I say, then bow to them. They acknowledge me with their heads, and I rise to face them.

I meet my father's hard gaze. We stare at each other, and I can see him judging me, deciding if I'm worthy. I stare right back, my head raised high. I am so not in the mood for this today.

He smiles, and it sends a shiver up my back. "Clarissa, have you made your decision yet?" He asks pleasantly.

"I have not." I say, still locked in his gaze.

"And why not?" He asks, a hard edge creeping into his voice.

"Because I need more time." I say.

"But I will not give it to you." He says, "I have given you enough time already, so you will now make your choice Clarissa."

"I can't." I say, gritting my teeth.

"You don't have a choice." He says.

I look into his eyes, and see that he doesn't care about how I feel, or what I want. He never has. Anger courses through my veins. "It is my _choice_." I say, clenching my fists, "I get to choose who I marry, and I should be able to choose when to marry them. Not some preconceived rule."

"Clary, please, be re-" My mother starts, but Valentine cuts her off.

"I don't care." He says, "Now make your choice Clarissa."

I look down at the floor, my fists clenched, and say, "No."

Valentine stares at me for a few seconds, not quite sure he heard me right. I can practically hear his brain clicking, trying to figure out what I just said, but it's all coming to the same conclusion. "What did you say to me?" He hisses.

"No." I say, looking him straight in the eye, "I will not make my choice."

For a minute the whole room is silent. No one moves, or so much as breaths. Valentine stares me right in the eye, his jaw clenching and unclenching. Then the silence explodes when he screams, "You will make your choice Clarissa! You will make it, and be happy with it!"

"No!" I scream, "It is my _life_! I will make my decision when I am ready!"

"Make your decision!" He screams, his face turning red with anger.

"I will not!" I scream, a tear falling down my cheek, "I will not make my decision when it is convenient for you! I will not marry someone because you told me to! Or because of some stupid tradition! When I marry, I will marry for love! Not any other way!"

"You will make your choice!" Valentine screams.

"No!" I scream back, and more tears streaming down my face.

Valentine stares at me for a long time, his eyes livid with fury. When he open his mouth I expect him to scream at me some more, but what he does is so much worse. His voice quiet and laced with fury, he says, "You will make your decision Clarissa, or so help me, I will make it for you."

"No!" I shout in anguish.

"Yes!" He roars, "Now either make your choice, or I will make it for you!"

"Then make it for me!" I scream, tears streaming down my face, "I will not make my choice."

"So be it!" He screams then storms out of the room. My mother gives me a long look before she follows her husband out of the room.

As soon as they leave, I crumple to the ground, no longer able to support myself. Big fat tears roll down my face. I hug my knees to my chest, and cry my heart out. I cry for all the things I'm about to lose. I cry for everything that is wrong about this. I cry for myself. I cry big, heart wrenching sobs, until I can't cry anymore.

 **(a/n) I finally got this chapter done! I was really excited to write it. I know it's dramatic, but those are the best scenes to write.**

 **Thanks so much for reading, and please leave a review! I really want to know what you guys think. If any of you have a suggestion, feel free to either PM me or leave it in the reviews, and I'll see what I can do. Thanks darlings.**

 **-Samantha Beatrice**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I finally drag myself up to my room. When I get there I collapsed on my bed, too drained to stand up. I kept replaying the conversation in my head. Over and over and over again. It's on replay, and I can't find the stop button. The worst part though, is that I keep thinking about one part. And it's the one that makes me cry the most.

" _You will make your decision Clarissa, or so help me, I will make it for you."_

" _No!" I shout in anguish._

" _Yes!" He roars, "Now either make your choice, or I will make it for you!"_

" _Then make it for me!" I scream, tears streaming down my face, "I will not make my choice."_

The more I think about it, the worse I feel. He's going to choose for me. I have no control over who he will choose, or what my future will be. I can only hope that he doesn't choose someone horrible just to punish me for rebelling.

I'm preparing myself for the worst.

So I lay on my bed wallowing in my own sorrow. It could have been two hours or two days, I wouldn't have been able to tell the difference. I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts that the world around me just faded to the background. It was like my thoughts were reality, and the world was the hoax.

A knock on my door brings myself out of my thoughts. I sit up, but then lay back down. I don't want to answer the door. If I do, I'm going to have to face something I'm not ready for. I look at the door, waiting for the next knock.

It comes. I groan, sitting up. I didn't lock the door. If I don't answer it, they could just open my door and come in anyway. So I pull myself into a standing position and walk to the door.

It's probably my parents, here to tell me who I'm marrying. It's probably some lord who has a lot of money, or someone who has a good political value. I accept my fate, letting it add to my misery. I made my decision, and now I have to live with it.

When I open the door though, Jace stands there with his hands behind his back. A look of concern is across his face, and for some reason I think of us when we were much younger, and he stood in my doorway, with the same look on his face.

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 _I sit on the grass, making daisy chains. The white daisy's surround me, dotting the grass. I look around me, only picking the best daisies for my daisy chain. I'm an artist, and an artist strives for perfection in anything they create, even the simplest of things. So I search the grass for the perfect daisy for my perfect daisy chain._

 _As I'm feeding the last daisy onto my chain a shadow covers me, blocking the sun. Pouting, I turn around, and find Jace standing behind me, watching me finish my daisy chain. I glare at him before turning back around. I feed the last daisy through, making the chain into a circle._

 _A smile slides across my face at my work. It really is the perfect daisy chain._

 _I delicately lift it and place it on my red curls. I image the white stands out against my hair, making it look like the daisy chain is a halo on my head. I'm an angel._

 _That is, until my halo is plucked off my head._

 _I stand up, glaring at Jace. "Give it back." I say, holding my hand out._

" _I don't get it." He says, looking at it with bafflement, "What does it do?"_

" _It doesn't do anything. Now give it back." I say, taking a step closer to snatch it back. He takes a step back, raising the chain above his head. Even at twelve he was still almost a head taller than me._

" _No." He says, acting very much like an immature child, "Not until you explain what it does."_

" _It doesn't do anything Jace. You wear it, that's it. Now. Give. It. Back." I say, and try to jump and reach it. He only takes another step back, a smile on his face. Before I can say another word he's sprinting across the grass. Huffing I race after him._

 _I have no chance of catching up with him. His legs are so much longer than mine, not to mention he's a lot faster. But I don't have to catch up to him. He stops all of the sudden, and when I catch up to him, I see why._

 _My daisy chain lies broken on the floor._

" _You broke it!" I yell, glaring at him._

" _I'm so sorry Clary, I didn't mean to." He says. I kneel down next to my daisy chain. I look at it. It's broken beyond repair. My perfect chain is broken, and no matter what I make it will never be as perfect as this one._

 _Jace must see the sadness in my eyes because he kneels next to me and lays a hand on mine. "I promise I'll make you a new one. It'll be even better than this one. I promise Clare." He says. I just send him another glare before walking back to the castle._

 _A few hours later someone knocks on my door. I open it to find Jace, his hands behind his back. Before I can say anything he places something on my head. Confused, I walk over to my mirror._

 _On my head rests a daisy chain. It's clumsily done, the person who made it obviously had never made one before. Flowers stuck out everywhere, not in a perfect circle like how it was supposed to. Somehow, though, it was still beautiful._

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Now though, when he sees my face, he lets out a string of curses, his eyes going wide.

I get it, I look bad.

"What the hell happened?" He asked, concern lacing his voice.

"Go away." I say, and try and slam the door in his face.

He sticks his foot in the door preventing me from closing the door. "No." He says, "Now until you tell me what happened."

"Just leave me alone." I say, walking back into my room. He closes the door and follows me across the room. "Jace, leave." I say, pointing at the door.

"No." He says.

"Jace." I groan. I am so not up for this right now.

"Clary, you can not go through life without letting people help you." Jace says. I hate when he's right.

"Go away." I beg, "Please, just go away."

"Clary. What happened?" He says, staring into my eyes. My green eyes meet his gold ones, and in that moment I know I'm going to tell him everything, even though I don't want to. When I look at his gold eyes and see all the worry in them, I know I'm not going to be able to help myself. I press my lips against each other, trying to prevent the inevitable. "Clary." He says, his voice soft.

That's when I break.

Words start pouring out of my mouth faster than I thought possible. I can't stop them, it's like I know I'm saying them, but I have no control over myself. It all spills out, everything. All my pain and hurt, my despair and worries. As I talk, Jace stares at me, his face a mask of shock and horror. When I'm finished, I bury my head in my pillow, losing the courage to look at him. Fresh tears fall down my face.

We sit there in silence. I can tell Jace is still trying to process everything. When he does, I can tell he doesn't know what to say. Instead, he pulls me off my pillow and hugs me. I bury my head into his shoulder, more tears spilling down my cheeks. Somehow, his hug is so much better than anything he could have said.

I finally pull away, still sniffling. I look at his shoulder, and a giant wet spot from my tears covers it. "I got your shirt wet." I mumble.

"Don't worry about it." He says, and brushes a piece of hair out of my face. He lets out a long sigh before saying, "I have to go. I'm leaving in an hour, and I need to finish packing."

I nod numbly, and he gently untangles myself from him. He lays me down on my bed before giving me a kiss on my head and walking out of the room.

As soon as the door closes behind him, I miss him.

 **(a/n) There you go! Chapter five. Per request of JammyHerBooks I added a little bit of Clary and Jace when they were younger. So if you liked that part, you have her to thank for it!**

 **Anywaaaaaaaaay, thanks so much for all the follows and favs, and please drop a review. All your reviews are amazing, and your support is wonderful, it makes me want to write this story even more.**

 **Thanks for reading darlings.**

 **-Samantha Beatrice.**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

VALENTINES POV

How dare she disobey me. How _dare_ she. I am the King and her father, and she disobeyed me. She refused to pick someone. _Refused_. She refused. My daughter, Princess of Idris, refused to pick someone to marry and follow tradition.

I feel my fists clench in anger.

She needs to learn a lesson. She needs to learn that she can't skirt around a long standing tradition for the sake of finding _love_. It has been this way for hundreds of years, and it will be this way for a hundred more. She is a princess, and princesses have certain duties, and one of hers is to pick someone to marry. She needs to learn that she has responsibilities, and that she can't run away or refuse to complete them. I will not stand for _my daughter_ behaving in this way, and I will make sure that she will never behave in this way again.

She cannot disobey me, and get away with it. She will learn her lesson.

I walk to my study, seething in my own rage. My fists are clenched at my sides, my jaw set in a hard line, my eyes hard and unyielding. Clarissa will pay for this. She will pay for disobeying me.

Closing the door to my study, I flip the lights on. The lights flicker on, and I walk over to my desk and sit down in the plush chair. I riffle through a few draws until I find the file I was looking for. I pull it out, the folder rough on my hand. A slight smile touches my face when I see the label on the folder; Eligibles.

I flip the file open, and run my eyes over the list. I read through all the names, trying to find the _perfect_ person for Clarissa. A cruel glee is slowly rising inside me. She will pay, and she will pay in the ultimate price of them all – her future.

My eyes light up when I find the perfect one. Good family, nice wealth, will help the countries relations. He's a perfect choice, especially because he can be a bit… controlling.

Slipping the file back in the draw, I call a maid to go get my daughter.

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CLARYS POV

I'm exhausted. After Jace left I couldn't get any sleep. My brain just kept working on over drive, trying to figure out what was going to happen to me. I have no idea who I'm going to marry, where I'm going to live, what my life will be like, how my husband will treat me, or when I'm going to learn anything about my future.

Sleep just wasn't going to happen.

So I lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling all night, letting my mind wander. I think until the light of a new day touches my room. When that happens I finally pull myself out of my thoughts, refusing to let my dismal thoughts ruin another day.

I pull on a pair of legging and a loose white shirt. Walking over to my easel, I paint. I paint my heart out, letting my feeling paint the picture for my. I let my heart paint, not my mind. And when I finish, I can see just how much joy or anger or hurt I'm feeling.

I run my hand over the painting one last time. Finished, I take a step back. I look at my painting, and see what my heart wanted me to paint.

It shows a girl hunched in the corner. She faces away from me, and all you can see is her red hair. Her back is arched, and she's hugging her legs to her chest. She sits in a room of shadows. A small ring of light surrounds her, but you can tell she normally has a bright light about her. The shadows are catching up to her, and she's slowly fading into them. She is broken, and I'm not sure she can be pieced back together.

I'm not sure _I_ can be pieced back together.

I turn away from the painting, not wanting to look at it anymore. I don't want to see how broken I look. I can't. If it see it, it becomes true. Deep down though, I know the paintings true. I know how broken I am, and it scares me how many pieces I have broken into.

Turning back to the painting I throw a cloth over it so no one else can see it. I can't let anyone see it, because if they do, they might see how I feel. I am a princess, and I need to hide my feelings, shield them so others can't see them. I need to appear strong, even when I'm weak.

I hear my door creak open, and I turn around to see who it is. A timid maid stands there, her hand on the door, her eyes wide. I look down at myself, and see my paint stained clothes. Sighing I look back up at her and give her a friendly smile.

"Can I help you?" I ask sweetly.

"The King has requested your presence immediately." She squeaks.

With a heavy sigh I say, "Lead the way please."

She gives a quick curtsy before sweeping out of the room and hurrying down the hall. I follow her, having a bit of trouble keeping up with her. Damn my short legs. She finally stops in front of my father's study. I thank her before give a quick knock on the door.

A voice calls from inside, "Come in."

I thank the maid one more time before opening the door and walking in. I've always hated this room, with its dark dreary interior and dim lighting. I blink a few times, trying to get my eyes to adjust to the dim light. When I can finally see I find my father scowling slightly. I look down, forgetting once again that I'm still in my painting clothes.

Dipping into a curtsy I meet his gaze. He nods his head and I rise, my head held high. He watches me, waiting for me to say something. I know he's testing my patience, but I'm not having it today. "You summoned me." I say, trying to smooth out the anger in my voice, "May I ask why?"

Valentine gives me a long look before saying, "Well you just did, so I don't think you need my permission." I bite my lip, keeping my retort inside. He smiles, seeing that I'm biting my tongue, "Good, you're already learning to keep your temper in check. Your future husband will like that."

My heart stops. It just clean stops for a few seconds. Then it starts beating at twice its normal speed. My stomach is slowly crawling up my throat, the little I ate threatening to come back up. I must of miss heard him. I had to miss heard him. He couldn't have already chosen who I'm to marry. It's too soon, only one day has passed.

But I know, deep down, that I heard him right.

He's chosen, and he has called me here to tell me the 'great' news.

I feel my shoulders slump and my head fall. My eyes droop, and I look at the floor, refusing to let him see the tears stinging in the back of my eyes. A cruel smile runs across my father's face when he sees my crest fallen figure. He's enjoying this. I disobeyed him, and he is punishing me for it. I can only pray that who he has chosen isn't horrible.

"Who is he?" I whisper, my voice defeated.

I lift my eyes and meet his. There's a cruel glee shining in them. I can see how much he's enjoying this, the pain he's causing me. I've always known he was a little off, but this? I never thought he's enjoy the pain of his daughter.

He looks me straight in the eye, and says, "You'll be meeting him tomorrow. He's flying here just to meet you. Well again, you already met at the ball."

I keep his gaze, more and more defeated by the second, "Who?" I whisper, not having the energy to say anything louder.

He gives me one more cruel smile before saying, "Sebastian Verlac."

 **(a/n) Yay! We know who she's going to marry. Or, at least, who Valentine is marrying her to. So what do you guys think? I don't think this is one of my best chapters, but hey, maybe it is. Leave a review, follow, favorite, do whatever you want.**

 **Thanks for reading darlings.**

 **-Samantha Beatrice**

 **p.s. Hey sorry one more thing. I forgot to ask. Do you guys want some more Jace/Clary flashbacks? I'm debating on whether or not to put some more in. Leave a review or PM with your opinions. Thanks.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Sebastian Verlac.

I'm going to marry Sebastian Verlac.

It's been a few hours since my father told me the 'wonderful' news. I walked numbly back to my room and collapsed onto my bed. I haven't moved since then. I'm still laying on my bed, curled up under the covers. My tears have dried up by now, so I'm left to just stare vacantly at the room around me.

My phone vibrates on the table in front of me. Numbly I reach out for it. I grab it and bring it to my face. I unlock it and find a text from Isabelle

 _Do you want me to come over?_

I slide my fingers over the keys asking her to come and then close my phone and place it back onto my bedside table. I'm not sure if hours or minutes have passed but a knock comes on my door and a black haired girl steps into the room.

She takes one look at me and rushes across the room. She wraps me in a hug, and fresh tears fall down my face. Isabelle just holds me tighter, brushing the hair out of my face. She murmurs words of comfort into my ear, but it's just a buzz of sound.

When my tears finally stop I pull away and look at Isabelle. I can see that she's already heard the news. By now I expect everyone in Idris has heard the news. Headlines are probably all saying 'The Princess has finally chosen her husband'.

What a lie that is.

I feel more tears prick the corners of my eyes but before they can fall Isabelle says, "No, please don't start crying again. I never know what to do when you start crying."

I let out a short laugh at the worry in her voice, and the tears retreat for now. "Thanks for being here Izzy."

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." She says, a genuine smile on her face. "Now, we need to talk about this. What do we know about Sebastian?"

"He's a Prince. Of France I think." I say, still sniffling slightly, "Besides that I don't really know much."

I see Isabelle bite her lip, a telltale sign she's hiding something. Before I can say anything she asks, "What was he like at the ball?"

I give her a wary look before saying, "He seemed nice enough. He's definitely handsome, but you know I could care less about that. He's a pretty good dancer, although he kept pulling me closer during the dance. He held me tightly, as if he was afraid I'd slip away. It was a bit weird. Why?"

"Well I did a little research on him before I came over here." She says. "Almost every source said he was sweet and kind. It was like everyone was in love with him or something. So I did some digging." She pauses, a troubled look on her face.

I frown, my eyebrows knitting together, "Isabelle what did you find?"

Taking a deep breath she says, "He has a bit of a history of being – controlling. He can get very possessive, and can become slightly paranoid when he thinks something that belongs to him is with someone else. And when that happens… well, nothing good happens"

My eyes widen in shock. Is she saying…? "Isabelle, what are you saying?"

"He has been known to beat people." She says, her voice hard and laced with anger. My eyes widen even more. He can't. My father couldn't have married me to someone who _beats_ people. I look at Isabelle trying to make sure she's telling the truth. But she isn't finished. "Clary, they cover it up. There is no record of him ever doing something like that. Every single time he has, it's like it was erased from the face of the earth. I barely found out. I had to make about a dozen calls before I found out how Sebastian Verlac isn't really the angel everyone paints him to be."

I shake my head, refusing to believe this is the man I'm going to marry. It can't be. I can't be marrying some lunatic who beats people and gets away with it. My father wouldn't do that to me. He wouldn't pick someone that horrible just to punish me for disobeying him. He just didn't know all these things. He couldn't have. If he did, he wouldn't have married me to him. He wouldn't.

My father's cruel smile flashes in front of my eyes and I know that he did.

That he married me to a monster.

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My two maids come into my room. I smile at them, even though that's the last thing I feel like doing. Just seeing them makes everything seem more real. They're here to prepare me to meet my future husband.

My stomach turns at the thought.

I motion them in, and they eagerly come over. I had taken my bath earlier, so my head maid, Rose, starts on my hair. She starts to dry and style it. Soon she and my other maid dive into a conversation. I tune them out, not in the mood to listen to the idle gossip of the castle. But when I hear them turn the conversation towards Sebastian, I listen, trying not to be too obvious.

"Have you seen the prince that she is to marry? I hear he's quite handsome." Rose gossips

"Indeed he is. I heard that he's also quite the ladies' man, if you know what I mean." My other maid, Christine, says with a wink. They fall into laughter before they pick up the conversation again. But I don't hear them. In fact, I stop hearing everything except for a dull ringing in my ears.

Will he force himself on me? I feel my insides twist at the mere thought. If what my maids said is true, and if Isabelle is correct, then it is quite possible that he could. Tears prick the corners of my eyes, thinking about my future.

My maids instantly notice. "What's wrong Clarissa? Did we do something wrong?" Rose asks, while Christine hands me a tissue.

I give them a weak smile before saying, "No, you didn't do anything wrong." I pause considering if I should tell them the truth. I decide against it, instead saying, "It's just I'm not going to have too much time left in the palace here. I'm going to miss you so much when I'm gone."

They wrap me in a hug, and I feel safe in their arms. "We'll miss you too." Christine whispers in my ear. We stay like this for a few seconds longer before Christine pulls away and says, "Now no more tears. If you keep crying, I'm pretty sure we'll start crying too."

With a small laugh I wipe away the last of my tears. We make small talk as they finish making me up. When they're finished I look at myself in the mirror.

I'm wearing a powder white colored dress with a single strap. It falls to just above my knees, and the hem is trimmed with white lace. Delicate makeup is on my face, a soft pink lip and gold eyeshadow with a small line of brown eyeliner. My hair is left down, but calmed into big loose ringlets that fall to my waist. A small white pearl headband is placed on my head. I look angelic, innocent.

I turn towards Rose and Christine and wrap them in a hug. I'm really going to miss them.

"Now go." Rose says, gently pushing me towards the door, "Your future husband waits for you downstairs." My stomach clenches at those words, but I smile at them anyway. I walk out of the room and down the stairs, towards my future life and future husband.

 **(a/n) Sorry I left it there, but I want to make the next part really long, so if I attached it to this chapter, it'd be REALLY long. Anywaaaaaaayys… thanks so much for all the amazing reviews and all the love you guys are giving me and this story. It's really motivating me to keep writing, and knowing that you guys are going to read it makes me really happy. And please, please, please, leave a review I want to know your opinions.**

 **-Samantha Beatrice**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Walking down those stairs may be the worst moment of my life.

My stomach clenches and unclenches, threatening to bring up the little lunch I already ate. Sweat coats my palms, and my eyes are darting around the room, too nervous to focus on one thing. Butterflies are let loose in my stomach, not helping the fact that my stomach is already doing flips. I'm a complete wreck. I just hope that it doesn't show.

I finally make it down the stairs, and am greeted by my mother and father in hugs. When I wrap my arms around my father, he whispers "behave" in my ear. Another set of butterflies is let loose in my stomach. I bite my lip, trying to repress my growing anxiety.

Slowly I turn and face Sebastian. He stands in front of me, his black hair falling into his eyes. He wears a black suit, which makes his pale skin look even paler. I raise my green eyes to his, and have to fight down the gasp that rises in my throat.

His eyes are black.

A pure, dark black, and you can barely tell the difference between his iris and his pupil.

He looks at me with his black eyes, and a warm smile greets his face. Chills run up and down my spine and get the distinct impression that his smile's fake. I give him a timid smile back, and when I do, his smile grows even more.

" _He has been known to beat people."_ Isabelle's voice rings through my head.

A tremor of fear races through my body. He thinks I'm weak, and is going to take full advantage of it.

I stand up straight, my eyes level and unwavering. I will not show this man weakness.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Clarissa." Sebastian purrs, extending his hand.

"As it is for me." I say, extending my hand to him. He takes it and presses his lips to the back of my hand. They're cold, as if they've never had any warmth.

He pulls away, and runs his eyes over my body. I fight back a shiver. "May I say, you look stunning in that dress Clarissa." He says.

"Clary." I say, "Please, call me Clary. Clarissa always sounds too stiff."

"Clary." He says, testing the name out with a smile on his face.

"Clary." I confirm.

"Well _Clary_." He says, enunciating my name, "How would you like to take a walk through the gardens with me?"

Pushing away the spike of fear that shoots through me, I say, "I would love to."

He gives me a smile, and offers me his arm. Reluctantly I loop mine through his. We walk to the garden, arm in arm. Silence covers us, and I find myself wanting to pull my arm from his. I resist the urge, and instead start playing with the hem of my dress.

Sebastian glances down at me, and sees me fiddling with my dress, "Nervous?"

I look into his dark eyes, trying to see if he actually cares or not. His dark eyes look into mine, and I can see how hard they are, how they just look at the world, but never see the beauty of it.

In that moment, I know I will never love this man.

"No." I say, dropping the hem of my dress, "Just a bad habit I have."

He gives me a long look, but eventually shrugs, either not caring that I just lied or he couldn't tell that if it was a lie or not. I let out a small sigh of relief. I don't want to let him know how nervous I am. If he finds out, he'll just think I'm weak, and take advantage of it.

I will not let that happen.

We reach the gardens, and he starts steering us towards an area slightly hidden from view, away from everyone else. Fear starts rising up again, and I look around, trying to find a way out of it. When I can't find one, I shove the fear down, and walk with my head held high.

When we finally are out of sight he stops. I'm forced to stop alongside him, and almost trip over myself. A hand on my waist steadies me, and I turn to see its Sebastian. As soon as I'm balanced, he removes his hand. Shocked, I just stare at him.

"Clary." He says, looking at me with his dark eyes.

"Sebastian." I say, matching his monotone.

He narrows his eyes slightly, but I hold my head high. I will not let him intimidate me or push me around. I am a princess and his future wife, and I will not live the rest of my life with him telling me what to do.

When he sees my defiance, his eyes light up in a manic glee. "Looks like you have some fight in you." He muses. My eyes widen, but he's not done. "No worries though, you'll learn your place soon enough."

My eyes become even bigger, and I find myself taking an involuntary step backwards. "Wh-what?" I say, cursing myself for stuttering.

A smile rises on his face, but it isn't full of warmth. No, it's a predator's smile.

And I'm his prey.

"I can see the fight in you." He says, taking a step closer to me, "I can see the fire in your eyes, and the defiance in the way you stand. And the anger. So much anger. Anger at me, at your family, at the world. But soon enough, the anger will go away, and the fight along with it. You will learn your place soon enough. You learn how to play the part of the obedient wife and queen, and how to hold your tongue and to take orders. I will teach you, and I promise it won't be pleasant. Soon, you will wish that you never fought back in the first place."

By now my back is against a tree, and his body is pressing into mine. His weight is pressing into me, making the wood behind me bite into the bare skin of my back. He places his arms on either side of my head, caging me against the tree. I look around wildly, but no one's in sight.

He leans down, until his mouth is only inches away from my ear. I can feel his hot breath on my ear, and cringe involuntarily. I can feel him smiling against my ear. He's enjoying my discomfort.

"You will learn your place Clary." He whispers, "Or you will start to lose the things you love the most."

I shiver at his threat. He places a small kiss at the base of my ear. I shiver again, but for a completely different reason. It feels wrong. Everything about him just seems wrong.

He takes one hand and runs it don't my cheek. I shy away from his touch, but he grabs my chin roughly and forces me to look at him. "If you speak of this to anyone. I will know. And I will not be happy." He promises, his voice hard.

Before I can say anything he releases. I start to fall, but catch myself. When I steady myself I look around to see Sebastian walking away. I watch him leave, my whole body shaking in fear and anger. Once he's out of sight, I slide down the tree. Pulling my knees to my chest, I rest my head on my knees. I let myself cry, letting all my anger and fear and sadness melt into the silent tears that run down my face.

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After fixing my makeup and brushing the dirt of my dress, I head back down stairs. The sound of laughter touches my ears, and I follow it. It leads me to my father, mother, and Jonathan, all sitting with Sebastian, laughing.

The sight baffles me.

How is it that they can't see the monster that he is?

Composing myself I walk into the room. All eyes turn to me, and I smile at all of them. My mother smiles back, and asks, "How was your walk?"

Out of the corner of my eye I see Sebastian glaring at me. "It was wonderful. I just needed some time to clear my head. So much has been happening, I just needed a little time by myself." I lie. My mother smiles at me again and I take a seat next to her. I glance at Sebastian and he gives me a little nod, letting me know that I gave the right answer.

I bite my tongue.

"So Sebastian." Jonathan says, "Am I going to have to make sure you don't hurt my sister? Because I'm very protective of her, and I won't let anyone hurt her."

My stomach clenches. Jonathan doesn't know how spot on he is. I look between them, and see that Jonathan is only half joking. Sebastian's eyes darken slightly, but no one else seems to notice except for me. Laughing, Sebastian says, "I won't hurt your sister, don't be ridiculous."

Jon gives him a long look before saying, "I'll take your word for it. For now."

Everyone laughs at the last part. I laugh, but even to me it sounds forced. Jon seems to be the only one who notices, and shoots me a worried look. I meet his gaze and mouth _later_ before looking away. If I look at him to long, I'm afraid I'll start crying again.

Once the laughter dies down an easy silence falls over the room. At least for everyone else. For me, I'm tense, and the silence is killing me.

"So." My father says, breaking the silence, "Did you guys talk about the wedding yet?"

I freeze, suddenly wishing for the silence again. Wedding? I've barely come to terms with being engaged. Or having to be married. Just thinking about the actual wedding sends my stomach into a whole new wave of unease.

"Speaking of the wedding." Sebastian says, and gets up. He walks over to me. I force my breathing out evenly, and hope that it doesn't sound as forced as it feels. "I think it's about time I give you this."

He gets down on one knee and pulls out a box. My eyes widen when I realize what he's doing. The lid of the box opens and I find myself looking at an engagement ring.

A large diamond sits on a gold band, sitting between two smaller diamonds. It's beautiful, but totally not my taste. It's too big, too flashy, and just too much in general. "Sebastian." I say, "You really don't have to."

He hears the plea in my voice and gently takes my left hand. "I insist." He says, and slips the ring onto my left ring finger. When it rests on my finger, a look of dark glee crosses his face.

He's marking me as his.

"Oh Clary." My mother says, walking across the room, "Look how beautiful it is." She takes my hand and holds it out, examining the ring. "Don't you think it's just beautiful?"

"Yes." I choke out, not being able to say anything else.

"It's fitting." My father says, looking straight at me, "A beautiful ring for a beautiful young women."

"Thank you." I say, forcing a smile.

There's a long silence before Jon says, "Well, I don't like it."

At that I actually laugh. A real laugh. It feels good to laugh, a real laugh, one that comes from joy and not because I'm supposed to. Everyone but Jon gives me a quizzical look, but I don't care.

"What's so funny?" Sebastian asks, his voice tight.

"Jon is still my older brother, no matter what the situation is." I say, still laughing slightly. At that my mother cracks a smile, but both Valentine and Sebastian remain stoic, still not understanding my amusement.

Both of them brush of my amusement, and I find myself seeing how similar the two are. They are both controlling, and hold a lot of power. They don't always use their power wisely, and most of the time they use their power to give themselves more power.

It's the complete opposite of what Jace does with his power.

My eyes widen slightly. Where'd that thought come from? Yes, Jace is nothing like either of them, but why'd I think of him?

Before I can think on anything else I'm pulled back into the conversation. I smile and laugh when I'm supposed to, and make the proper comments, but everything is forced. Every move I make is rigid and unnatural.

Finally the sun sets and the moon hangs high in the sky. The conversation dies down and slowly we start leaving to go to bed. I'm the second one out of the room, and I practically run up to my room. I change into a soft cotton shirt and shorts and curl up under the covers, relishing in the warmth and safety of my bed.

 **(a/n) Thanks so much for reading this chapter, and also for all the amazing reviews. Since a few of you were wondering about Jace, don't worry, I'm going to bring him in to be a major character soon enough. I'm getting there, I promise.**

 **Thanks for reading darlings.**

 **-Samantha Beatrice**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

I wake up with a weight on my left hand. I pull my hand out from under the covers and with blurry eyes look at my hand. A ring with three diamonds sits on my finger.

My heart plummets as I remember yesterday. Sebastian's threats, the false smiles, the engagement ring, his dark eyes. Everything washes over me, threatening to swallow me. One tear slide down my cheek but I wipe it away furiously.

I will not cry.

I have spent too much time crying for everything I've lost. I will not waste one more tear on that man. He doesn't deserve to make me cry. And neither does my father. I refuse to let people bring me to such a state of sorrow that I will cry.

Sebastian's words run through my head from yesterday. _You will wish that you never fought back in the first place._

But that's the only thing I will do. If he breaks me, so be it, but I will not go down without a fight. I will not stand to the side while he abuses his powers or threatens me when I can do something about it. If he thinks I will, he's going to be in for a big surprise.

I'm going to make that little bastard beg for me to stop. Because I'm going to wrap him around my finger, and then break him into a million little pieces that he'll never be able to put back together.

With my new found determination, I climb out of bed and get ready for the day.

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I walk downstairs and into the breakfast room to find everyone but my father already there. Light conversation fills the room and as I walk in, I'm greeted by everyone. I walk over to Sebastian and wrap my arms around his shoulders and whisper in his ear, "Good morning."

I feel him stiffen underneath me, and a smile slips across my face. Before he can react I've retracted my arms and taken my seat next to my mother. Jonathan looks at me, both his eyes wide and he's about to ask me a question when our father walks in.

I don't think I've ever been so glad to see him.

He walks over to Jocelyn and kisses her on the cheek before taking his seat at the head of the table. Servants start pouring out of the side doors with all sorts of different breakfast foods. I pile my plate with pancakes and fruit, as well as a few pieces of bacon. Drenching my pancakes in syrup, I take a bite of sugary heaven.

I look up to find Sebastian staring at me, an odd look on his face. I give him a shy smile and lower my lashes. He smiles at me back, and then asks, "Do you always drown your pancakes?"

I laugh but before I can answer Jonathan does for me. "Usually she puts more on." He says, his voice dead serious, bringing more laughter into the room.

I laugh, because it's true, but out of the corner of my eye I see Sebastian's black eyes darken into a glare at my brother. He wanted me to answer, but my brother did. My laughter dies out, no longer amused by what just happened.

I go back to eating, but feel the constant pair of eyes on me. I look up at Sebastian, a questioning look on my face. He just looks at me with the same expression. His black eyes are confused, and behind the confusion, there's a little bit of hope.

Does he actually think that there's a chance I'll love him after what he did yesterday?

I finish off my last bit of syrup and stand up to leave, but before I can, Sebastian asks, "Would you like to go for a ride today?"

My eyes actually light up at this. I haven't been riding in forever. "I'd love to." I say, and for once, I'm not lying to him, "Just give me ten minutes to get ready. I'll meet you at the stables."

He nods and I leave to go change. It's funny how he picked something that I love to do. My father probably told him, but I'll take what I can get. I pull on a pair of black leather riding pants and a white shirt with a dark green jacket. Slipping on my brown riding boots I leave the room, braiding my hair back as I walk down to the stables.

As I get closer I can just make out the hard lines of Sebastian's body, his rigid stance. His eyes are locked at something at his feet. I follow them, and find the stable boy on the floor, his eyes wide and filled with fear. Rage boils up in me.

Furious I walk over there and place a hand on the shoulder of the stable boy, not caring that Sebastian's dark eyes lock on me as I do so. "Thank you Ethan, but we can saddle the horses by ourselves. You can have the rest of the day off. If anyone says differently, direct them straight to me."

He nods and then bows. "Thank you, your Majesty." He says, then walks out of the stable. As soon as he's out of sight I spin around and face Sebastian, livid.

"What did you do to him?" I practically shout. He stares at me, shock and anger battling for control of his face. I don't back down. I will not let him treat _my_ servants that way. "Well?" I say when he doesn't answer.

"He was being lazy, moving at a snail's pace to get our horses ready. I told him to move faster, or I'd make him move faster." Sebastian says, his voice hard and clipped. His eyes darken, anger finally winning out. "And it is my choice what I do. I am the man, and I am able to do as I please."

"This is my home, and my servants." I shout, "You will treat them with respect, or you will not talk to them at all."

Before I can say anything else a sharp slap rocks me on my heels. I take a step back and place my hand to my cheek. "You will not give me orders." He snarls. I glare at him, to furious to say anything else. Turning on my heel I walk over to my black horse and saddle it. Once I'm sure everything is in place, I climb on and race out of the stables, leaving Sebastian in the dust to race after me.

I ride hard for ten minutes, letting the wind whipping around me cool my temper. Once I feel my anger leave I slow down my horse so that Sebastian can catch up. If I wanted to, I could have out run him for hours. My horse is fast, and I used to train with it for hours until it was the best.

After five minutes Sebastian finally catches up. He looks livid, so before he can say anything I say, "If you so much as yell or threaten me again today, I will kick this horse into a gallop, and I won't slow down this time so you can catch up."

His face spasms in anger before he masters it. I kick me horse into a walk, and turn it so we're heading back towards the castle. Sebastian follows, and asks, "Why did you defend that stable boy?"

"Because." I say, anger creeping into my voice, "I know every single person in this castle. They're my friends and family, and I will not let anyone hurt them." I turn my head to the side and look at him, "Not even you."

His eyes darken but he nods his head, not wanting me to run off again. "And this morning?"

I stiffen slightly at that, but say, "What about it?"

"You," He says, pausing to search for the right word, "Hugged me."

"I was giving you a chance." I lie, "And you just failed." The last part wasn't a lie though. He failed, in so many different ways today.

"I don't fail." Sebastian says, anger creeping into his voice.

"Apparently you do." I say. I look at him, and see his knuckles turn white as his grip on the reins tighten. Sighing, I say, "What about this. I'll race you back to the stables, and if you win, I'll give you one more chance."

It's unfair, and even if he did win, I wouldn't give him a real chance. But he doesn't know that, or that my horse is the best in the country, so he nods, and we shoot back towards the castle. He keeps up for the first bit, but soon starts to fall behind. He's not too far behind, but far enough to lose.

We burst through the trees and I let out a laugh. I reach the stables a few seconds before he does, and the look of complete shock written across his face is priceless.

A voice behind us says, "Sucks being beat by a girl, huh?"

I turn around in my seat to find a golden boy standing behind us. "Jace!" I say, sliding off my horse. I run over to him and wrap him in a hug, which surprises both me and him. He wraps his arms around me and lifts me slightly off the ground. He whispers in my ear, "Hey Red."

A cough rings through the stables. I completely forgot about Sebastian. Jace sets me down, and I turn around and say, "Sebastian this is Jace, Jace this is–"

"Sebastian Verlac, your fiancé." Jace says, and I can hear a little bit of anger creep into his voice.

I'm still standing next to Jace, and I can see the growing fury in Sebastian's eyes. Jace must see it to, because he grabs my hand. I quickly pull it away and shoot him a look before saying, "Sebastian, Jace is a family friend, I've known him sense I was like two. He's like my second brother."

At that I see a slight look of hurt come across Jace's face before it disappears. I glance back at Sebastian and see that he's still angry, but not as much. Turning back to Jace I ask him, "Does anyone else know you're here?"

"Your mom." Jace says, "She met my family and I at the door, and told me that you were out at the stables, so I decided to come see you first, since you were the last to know last time we were here." My heart swells slightly when I hear that he wanted to see me first. Wait, since when have I wanted to see Jace?

"Well you should probably go say hello to Jon." I say, "If he finds out that you came to find me before him he's going to be furious."

Jace laughs and nods his head. "You're probably right. I'll leave you two alone to do whatever you were doing. It was nice meeting you Sebastian." With that he turns on his heel and walks out of the stables. I watch him leave until I can't see him anymore. When I turn around to face Sebastian, I'm met with a dark glare.

I shrink back, scared of the complete anger in his black eyes. "Who is he?"

"Ja-Jace." I stutter, "Prince of France. His family is a friend of ours. We spend a lot of time with each other, it's not odd that he's here."

"Don't lie to me." He says, getting closer to me, "The Prince of France is Jonathan, not Jace. I'm not an idiot."

"His name is Jonathan. Jonathan Christopher. But everyone calls him Jace." I say, trying to sound convincing.

Either I said something right or Sebastian lost interest, because he backs away and says, "Fine. Thank you for the ride. But next time you run off, I'm not going to be as amused as I was this time."

I glare at him as he walks away, my hatred for him growing with each step he takes away from me.

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JACES POV

I walk away from Clary with a sinking feeling in my stomach. Just watching her laugh with _him_ made my stomach twist into knots. I should be the one making her laugh, not him.

I stop dead in my tracks. Why do I care so much about her? Why did I want to come see her first? And why did I go and knock on her door all those days ago when she was upset?

I think of her smile and her bell like laugh. Her fiery red hair and a temper to match. Her emerald green eyes that shine with such a bright light. Her small frame and delicate hands. I think about all those things, and realize that I'm the one who should be making her laugh.

Somehow I ended up at Jon's door. I knock on it, hoping that he's there and dreading it at the same time. The door opens and emerald green eyes that match Clary's look at me. Jon's eyes light up when he sees me and we do that man hug thing that I don't exactly get. I walk into his room and he shuts the door then turns to me and asks, "Hey Jace, when did you get here?"

"Half hour ago." I say, still distracted by my thoughts.

Jon must noticing my distracted look because he asks, "Dude what's bothering you? Did something happen?"

I look at him, pulling myself out of my thoughts. I look at him and see the confusion and concern written across his face. Locking eyes, I ask, "Does she love him?"

Startled Jon's eyes widen. "Does who love who?"

"Does your sister love him?" I ask, refusing to say Sebastian's name.

"Oh." Jon says, "I don't know. Yesterday she seemed like she hated him, but this morning she seemed like she liked him." My heart plummets at the last part. Jon just stares at me for a moment then asks, "Why did you ask that?"

"I… I don't know." I say, and Jon gives me a look that says I-don't-believe-a-word-you-just-said. Sighing I say, "I think… I think I might love her."

Jon's eyes widen into circles, but then a huge smile spreads across his face. "I knew it!" He shouts, "I knew it!"

I tackle him to the floor and clamp a hand over his mouth. "Be quiet, will you? If you say it any louder the whole world will know." I hiss.

"Sorry." Jon says when I take my hand away from his mouth. His stupid grin is still plastered all over his face. I roll my eyes at him and watch as his smile disappears and turns into a frown. "Jace, you have to tell her. If you don't now, you might never get the chance. Hell, it might already be too late."

I shake my head. "No." I say, "No. She's engaged Jon. I can't just tell her I love her and expect her to run away with me. It's just not going to happen. Your parents won't allow it. Not to mention my parents would be furious if they found out I went after a girl who was already engaged. No Jon, I can't tell her."

He stares at me. "Jace, are you going to let the girl you love marry someone else?" When he says it that way, my stomach twists into knots and my heart shatters into a million pieces. Jon must see the heartbroken look on my face. "See." He says, "Jace, you aren't going to be able to live with yourself if you don't at least try."

"I can't." I choke out, and I feel my heart break into a million more pieces, "I can't Jon." I walk out of the room and ignore Jon when he calls after me.

 **(a/n) Done, done, and done! So how'd you guys like Jace's point of view? Good, right?**

 **Thank you for all the reviews and favs and follows. I'm so glad you guys like this story. And I'm also sorry that it took me a week to get this chapter up. You know this thing called school? Well… it sucks.**

 **Anyways thanks for reading darlings.**

 **-Samantha Beatrice**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

I stare at myself in the mirror. I'm wearing a sleeveless gold dress with a straight across neckline. It cascades to the floor in simmering gold tulle. It's simple but elegant, and looks beautiful on me. My hair is tamed into loose curls and the front strands are pulled away from my face and clipped in the back. Gold eyeshadow with black eyeliner and a light pink lip adorn my face, making my look innocent. The pearl headband I wore when I met Sebastian rests on my head, still looking like a hallo. I look beautiful.

Swallowing down my rising nerves I walk out of the room and towards the ballroom. This ball is for my engagement, to honor and bless it. It's to celebrate me and my upcoming marriage.

Bile rises in the back of my throat.

I reach the ball room and see Sebastian wearing his military uniform. I have to admit, he doesn't look half bad.

Too bad I hate his guts.

He looks up and sees me, and lust crosses his face. I repress a shiver and walk over to him. "You look lovely." He says, his eyes raking over my body. A shiver runs through me and I force myself to say, "You don't look half bad yourself."

He smiles at me as the doors open. We walk into the room, and all eyes turn to us. I let my eyes roam through the crowd and plaster a smile on my face. Clapping fills the room. Most eyes are locked on Sebastian, but I feel a pair of eyes lock onto me, and I turn my head to find Jace leaning against the wall, his eyes glued to me.

I meet his gaze, and our eyes lock. His gold eyes are full of sadness and a slight anger, and I feel my heart twist painfully in my chest. His eyes mirror how I feel. I smile at him, and he smiles back, but both our smiles are forced.

Reluctantly I tear my eyes away from him I look at my parents. My father starts to talk, but I tune him out until all I can hear is white noise. I search the crowd again for a pair of gold eyes, but for some reason I can't find them anymore. Clapping fills the room bringing me back but before I can join in Sebastian sweeps me into a dance.

I dance with him, but I don't enjoy it. He holds me close to him, almost possessively. Whenever someone tries to come over or ask me for a dance he sends them a glare, and I can't help but cringe when he does. He's keeping me from talking to anyone else.

A tap on my shoulder makes me jump. I turn around and see Jon, and send him a smile. He pulls me out of Sebastian's grip and we dance. I enjoy it. I always enjoy dancing with my brother. It's relaxing, and I find myself smiling by the end of it.

After Jonathan, I dance with a whole bunch of people that blur together. After hours of dancing Sebastian sweeps into another dance, but I'm so tired I pull him off to the side. "I'm going to go get some air." I say, and he nods his head. I turn and start to walk towards the doors, but Sebastian starts to follow me. "Alone." I say. He glares at me but when I walk away this time he lets me.

I walk outside and breathe in the fresh air, relishing it. I peel of my heels and walk down the stone path barefoot. It leads me to one of the many fountains, and I sit down on the ledge, taking in the peacefulness around me.

It's been a long night. My mind wanders back to Jace, and the sadness in his eyes. I feel my heart twist when I think about it. I don't like seeing him sad. I don't know why, but I don't want to see him sad. I want to see his cocky smirk or his crocked smile that makes me laugh.

Since when have I cared about Jace? I don't like him. He's an annoying, self-pompous pig. But even as I say that, I know that's not true. He cared enough to make sure I was okay, and came to see me first the other day. I feel my heart swell slightly at the memory.

Do I actual care for him?

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JACES POV

Clary walked outside, and she looked a little flustered. Against my better judgement I follow her outside. She takes off down one of the many cobblestone path, her heels in her hands as she walks bare feet. A small smile touches my lips as I follow her silently.

She walks over to a fountain and sits down on the edge, tucking her feet underneath her. Her gold dress fans out around her, and I can't help but think about when she walked in. She looked absolutely stunning, the dress making her look like an angel. The only thing that ruined it was Sebastian.

I watch her, but her green eyes seem lost in thought. They're rimmed with sadness, and I can't help but want to make her smile. Hesitantly I walk over to her and take a seat next to her. Gently I move my hand and rest it on hers. She jumps and turns her head to look at me. When she sees me she relaxes.

I smile, glad that she feels relax with me. "You okay?" I ask, concern coloring my voice.

Her green eyes look up at me. I see a mixture of sadness and hope in her eyes, making me wonder just what would make her have those two emotions in her eyes. With a heavy sigh she says, "Yeah. It's just been a long night."

I nod, understanding what she means. This has been one of the longest nights of my life. "Long in a good way or a bad way?" I ask.

"I don't know." She mumbles, looking at her bare feet, "Bad I guess."

"Why?" I ask, hope rising in my chest.

"Sebastian isn't one of my favorite people, and I've spent most of the night with him, so it wasn't great." She says, still looking at her feet. It's like she can't look at me when she's talking about him. There's a long silence between us before she asks, "Why did you look so sad when I walked in?"

I stiffen slightly. I didn't l think she noticed. I look down at Clary, and she looks up with her big green eyes. She looks so beautiful, with the moonlight touching her face. I feel myself leaning down towards her. I pause when only a few inches separate us. I look into her green eyes, and she looks into my gold ones. Hope fills her eyes. Not being able to take it anymore I close the small space between us, and our lips finally touch.

Her lips are soft and warm, and taste slightly of chocolate I saw her eat earlier in the night. I move my hand to cup her cheek, wanting to pull her closer, but when I touch her cheek she seems to realize what she's doing and pulls away.

She looks at me with big eyes. Her cheeks are slightly rosy, her lips puffy from the kiss. We stare at each other, both of us still not realizing what exactly just happened. I'm still not sure what just happened. When my brain finally catches up, I stand up, running a hand through my hair.

"I shouldn't have done that." I say, regretting what I just did. I can't do that. She's engaged. And I just kissed her. What the hell was I thinking? It doesn't matter how I feel or what I want to do with her. I can't do any of it. Letting out a shaky breath I turn and walk away, heading back towards the castle.

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CLARYS POV

He kissed me. Jace kissed me. And I kissed him back, and I liked it. I stare into his gold eyes, still not exactly sure what just happened.

He stands up, running a hand through his golden curls, and says, "I shouldn't have done that." What? My brows crinkle but he's already turned around and started walking back towards the castle. I touch my lips lightly, feeling the slight warmth pulsing through them from our kiss. Hastily I stand up and run after Jace.

I grab his arm stopping him, and he turns around to face me. Tears are in his eyes, and hurt and regret and longing stain his face. I'm shocked. He can't seriously be regretting what he just did. I've never felt something more real or right in my entire life. "I'm glad you did." I say, and wrap my hands around his neck, pulling him down to meet our lips.

Our lips touch again, but this time it's full of passion and want. He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me closer. I knot my hands in his hair, feeling his golden curls slip around my fingers. We break the kiss, both of us out of breath. Jace leans his head against mine, and I close my eyes, letting myself get lost in his arms.

He pulls away and looks into my eyes. "We can't do this." He says, his voice cracking. "No matter how right this is. We can't. You're engaged, and this can't happen." He gently unwraps my arms and places them at my sides.

"You can't be serious." I say, my voice hollow.

"Clary." Jace pleads, his voice raw with emotion.

"I don't love him." I say, my voice broken. I look up at Jace, and see the shock in his eyes, "I don't. I hate him, and everything he stands for."

"Clary." Jace says, his voice as broken as mine.

"Don't push me away." I whisper, tears pricking the corners of my eyes.

He looks at me, his eyes filled with pain and longing. I look at him, knowing that my eyes mirror his. We stare at each other, and then he turns and walks away. He walks away from me, breaking me even more than I already am. It's not until he walks away that I realize I love him.

That I've always loved him.

 **(a/n) Clace! Yay! You guys have been wanting this for a while and I thought this was the perfect time so… Clace! I know it was really sad, but she's IS getting married. Jace is just trying to be gentlemanly.**

 **Anyways thanks for all the amazing reviews and all the follows and favorites. It means the world to me that you all like my story. Til nest time my darlings.**

 **-Samantha Beatrice**


	11. Chapter 11

JACES POV

I walked away from her. I walked away from Clary. I pushed her away, after I _kissed_ her. God, I still can't believe that I did that. The crazy part was that _she kissed me back_. She wants me, as much as I want her. But I pushed her away, I told her no. I ruined everything that we could have had.

But we couldn't have had anything. She's getting married. And neither of us can do anything to stop it. So it's good that I pushed her away. Maybe now she can learn to love him.

But Clary said she hates him. That she doesn't love him, and never will. God I'm such an idiot.

I walk blindly through the castle, tuning out the sounds of the party below. It's all white noise, a blur in the back of my mind. Everything is. I'm lost in my thoughts, only seeing her. Her red hair and green eyes, the soft smile she wears, the freckles that dot her face. Her delicate hands and petite frame, how she looks delicate but is so, so strong.

And I pushed her away.

I reach my room and walk in, slamming the door behind me. I pace around, running my fingers through my hair, tapping a hollow beat on the side of my leg. I'm stupid, so, so stupid. In so many different ways.

Needing air I walk on to my balcony. Clary's probably back in the party, dancing with him, letting him cheer her up because I made her sad. She's probably forgotten all about our kiss, how perfect it felt, like it was the only pure thing in the world. My hands clench the railings hard and I look down to find that my knuckles are white.

With a heavy sigh I release the railing, opening and closing my hand to get the blood flowing again. My eyes look over the garden spanning out below me. The moonlight seems to suck most of the color out, dimming the normally bright world into colors of black and white. I let my eyes roam, trying to find any source of color left in the world, to prove that everything won't be in black and white.

My heart stops when my eyes lock on red curls. Clary's sitting wear I left her, her back against a tree. She hugs her legs to her chest and holds them tightly, like they're the only real thing in the world. The gold dress she was wearing is now dusted in a light layer of dirt. Her red hair hides her face, keeping her emerald eyes hidden. Her body shakes and my heart stops yet again when I realize why.

She's crying. Clary is crying _because of me_. I made her cry.

My heart twists painfully in my chest, and I have to grip the railing hard so I don't run down there right now and scoop her into my arms and wipe her tears away. It's for the best. It's best if she hates me, because it will make everything else easier. It's for the best.

But no matter how many times I say that, I know nothing is ever going to make it easier.

 **(a/n) Okay I know this is really short but I wanted to make it with only Jace's POV sooooo… yeah! Thanks for reading darlings.**

 **-Samantha Beatrice**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

I walk down the aisle, a small bouquet of white roses resting in my hands. My white dress trails behind me, the giant train gliding across the tan carpet at my feet. The alter in front of me is covered in white tulle and white roses. The priest is wearing a white robe. Everywhere I look there is white.

My hand twitches slightly.

My eyes frantically search the room, looking for anything that isn't white. I feel like I'm drowning in it, like it's suffocating me. White, white, white. I can't escape the endless white.

The room around me fades into a wall of white death. Slowly, very slowly, it moves closer to me, trapping me, trying to consume me. I drop the white roses in my hand, letting it hit the white floor with a soft thud. I rush to one of the walls, laying my hands on it, trying to push it away. My hands sinks into the wall, my elbows barely peeking out.

I tug my hands out. I look down at them, horrified that my hands will no longer be attached to my body. But what I see is so much worse. They're coated in white, making my skin look like a porcelain doll. The white is climbing up my arms, encasing me in its pale color.

I shake my arms, trying to get the whiteness of my skin, but it just keeps spreading. Tears slip down my cheeks, blurring my vision. I wipe at my eyes, wanting to see something that isn't white before I'm encased in it. My green eyes search the room for anything, something, that isn't white.

Two black eyes meet my own. A slight sigh of relief escapes my lips. I'm free of the white, the endless nothingness that I felt when staring at it. I feel myself being pulled towards those black orbs, towards _him_.

Fear makes my stomach clench when I realize that I'm being pulled by invisible hands. I struggle, trying to tear my gaze away from those depthless black orbs boring into me. But it's no use. I'm trapped in them, and I can't get out.

I wish for the white again, for anything but these heartless eyes.

A scream builds its way up my throat, begging to come out. I feel my mouth open, the scream coming out in a soundless echo.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

I wake up, gasping for breath. I'm drenched in sweat, and my hands are balled into fists, my nails digging painfully into my skin. Gently I uncurl my fingers. My hands are shaking slightly as I raise them. Little half-moons cover my palms, showing just how much my nightmare scared me.

But was it really a nightmare?

It felt so real, _too_ real. Like it was more of a prediction of how my wedding would be. I shake my head, trying to dispel the lingering thoughts my dream left.

I slip out of bed. My feet hit the cold floor, shocking some feeling back into my numb body. I pad silently into the bathroom, turning on the tap. My hands slip under the cold water. I cup my hands, then quickly splash the water onto my face.

A small gasp escapes my lips when the cold water touches my skin. I shake my head, sending small droplets of water flying across the room. I open my eyes and find my reflection in the mirror.

A girl stares back at me. She stares at me, her face haunted. Her eyes hide a sadness that she does little to mask. Her pale pink lips are turned down in a slight frown. She looks so much older than she should be. Like she learned too much about life to fast. Like she grew up to early.

And I did.

I'm seventeen. How many seventeen year olds can speak six languages? Or know how to run a kingdom? How many seventeen year olds feel the pressures of a kingdom on their shoulders? Or have to marry someone? How many seventeen year olds have their whole life mapped out? Or know who or what they want to be?

How many seventeen year olds have to put others need before their own?

I never get to just think about myself. I always have to think about how my actions will affect the people around me or how it will look like to others. I can never just be myself. The only time I can is when I'm alone, or with a select few people.

But now I'm getting married. And Sebastian sure as hell won't let me be myself. He'll make me be what he wants, how he wants people to see me.

And I can't do anything about it.

With a heavy sigh I walk back over to my bed. I climb under the covers, wrapping myself up in their safety and warmth. Soon I fall into a deep sleep, full of dreams and nightmares that will plague me.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"What do you think Clary?" My mother asks, "The white or the ivory?"

I glance over at her. She's holding up two fabric swatches, a questioning look on her face. I look between the two, trying to figure which when I like better. The problem is, is that they look the same. I narrow my eyes, trying to find a small difference. When I can't I let out a heavy sigh and fall into the couch we're sitting on.

My dream flashes in front of me. White, everything covered in white. Fear presses down on me. I can't have a white wedding, I can't let my dream have a chance at becoming a reality.

"Can't we pick a color theme for the wedding?" I ask, having to choke out the last word. Every time I say it, my stomach turns, threatening to bring up what I ate. I swallow hard, forcing the bile back down my throat.

"Clary." My mother says, setting down the fabric swatches. She lays her hands on mine and gives them an encouraging squeeze. "Weddings are white. It's traditional and classic. Besides, white is a lovely color on you."

"Please?" I ask, my eyes sliding over to her.

She looks at me, but I can already see her giving in. I jut my lower lip out like I did when I was five and was begging her for something. She laughs, a bell like sound that instantly lifts the spirits of the room. I beam at her, already knowing I won.

"What color were you thinking?" She asks, a slight smile still touching her lips.

I think about it. Not red or pink, since those are related to love, and I am most certainly _not_ in love. At least not with the man I'm marrying. I don't want green, since that's my eye color, and nothing dark, because even though the day will be joyless, I still want it to seem bright. Yellow seems to bright, and orange will remind me of my hair. Purple or blue would work but…

"Gold." I say, a smile falling over my face. Gold because of Jace, because even though he doesn't want me, I still want to be reminded of the man I want on the day I marry.

"Gold?" Jocelyn asks.

"Gold." I confirm.

"Gold." Jocelyn says nodding her head slowly. "I like it, but we have to be careful, because it can easily become tacky, and we wouldn't want that."

"No we wouldn't." I agree. It's odd how, even though I don't want to marry, that I'm actually excited to plan my wedding. Planning my wedding has been something I've dreamed about since I was a kid. Being able to actual make those childish dreams into a reality is exciting, no matter how much I'm dreading it.

My mother and I talk for hours, going over everything from flower arrangements to how I want the ceremony to happen. By the end of the day we've come up with a rough outline for the wedding. As we're organizing the dozens of papers we've written on, the door behind us creaks open. I ignore it, assuming that it's just some servant coming in and out.

A hand touches my shoulder, and I glance behind me at the person. My green eyes meet black ones, and it takes all my self-restraint to not flinch away from his touch.

I flash him a smile and say a silent prayer that he can't see how fake it is.

"Sebastian." Jocelyn says, "Do you need something?"

"No. I just came to see how all the planning was going. You have been going at it so long that I figured you must have come up with some grand idea to still be at it." Sebastian says like the perfect gentlemen he's pretending to be.

"Oh we did." Jocelyn says, her face lighting up. It baffles me how everyone falls for his act. How he can fool everyone into believing him. "Well it was Clary's idea actually. Clary dear, why don't you tell him the idea you came up with."

Both their eyes turn to me, my mother's expectant and Sebastian's curious. "I thought that it would be nice if we did a color theme." I say, my voice coming out much stronger than I expected.

"Really?" Sebastian asks curiously. He actually likes the idea. At least, he will until he hears the color I chose. "What color did you choose?"

"Gold." I say, hiding a smirk. The curious gleam in Sebastian's eyes instantly darken, filling with anger. His dark eyes lock with mine, demanding answers. I hold his stare, refusing to let any emotion show on my face.

"Gold?" He asks, his voice barely disguising the anger he feels. "Isn't that a little tacky?"

I smile, a huge grin that lights up my face. He hates it, which makes me love the idea of gold even more. "Oh no." I say, my voice dead serious, "Not the way we planned it. We specifically planned it in a way that will seem elegant and classy. Didn't we mother?"

"Oh yes." She says, nodding her head enthusiastically, "It will be lovely, no need to worry Sebastian."

"But isn't white more traditional?" Sebastian asks. My dream from the night before flashes before my eyes. White covering the room, and Sebastian's black eyes the only color in the room, drawing me in. I repress a shiver.

"Yes." I say, "But it's been done. I think doing something different, unique, would be wonderful. It'll be exciting." I gently lay my hand on his arm, resisting the urge to pull my hand away. "Please." I say, my voice soft. I look up at him with big green eyes, and he instantly softens. He still hates the idea, but he likes how I'm asking for his permission, how I touched him because I wanted to, not because I had to.

I lower my lashes and let a soft smile ease its way across my lips. "Please." I repeat.

"Okay." Sebastian says. I beam at him, swallowing the bile rising up my throat. I got him to agree with me, even though he didn't want to. I figured out a way to get him to do what I want.

My smile grows bigger, no longer forced.

I just figured out how to control Sebastian.

 **(a/n) GUYS GUESS WHAT TODAY IS! ITS MY BIRTHDAY! Okay well that's not really the point of this announcement but still, I thought it worth saying. Anyway….**

 **How's you like the chapter? Good, right? Or was it bad? I hope it wasn't bad… Well thanks for reading darlings.**

 **-Samantha Beatrice**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

I walk out of the room, Sebastian right on my heels. Silence falls between us, but I just keep walking, heading towards Jonathan's study. Sebastian follows me, and I can just see how his hands are fisted, his knuckles turning white.

I walk a little faster.

When Jonathan's study comes into view, I practically sigh in relief. My steps slow back down to a normal pace. If Jon's there, Sebastian won't try anything.

A strong hand wraps around my upper arm. I glance behind me and see Sebastian. I swallow down my rising fear as he leads me away from Jon and down an empty hallway. He reaches the last room and walks inside, dragging me in after him.

He releases me, throwing me away from him. I stumble but keep my balance. When I look up at him, he's closing the door. The lock clicks into place, shutting us off from the rest of the castle. I'm trapped.

"Gold?" Sebastian asks, his voice tight, "Gold? Is there a reason you picked gold, Clarissa?"

"N-no." I stutter, "I-I just thought it would b-be a good color."

"Don't lie to me!" He screams, slamming his fists down on the table he's standing behind. The wood splinters slightly under his fist. I flinch, taking a step back.

"I-I'm n-not." I stutter, unable to form words.

"I'm not stupid! If you think I don't know why you choose gold, you're delusional!" He screams. His black eyes are livid, and every muscle in his body is tense. I take another step back, afraid of what will happen if he turns that anger on me.

"I-I don't know what you're t-talking about." I say, holding my hands in front of me.

"Don't play games with me Clarissa!" He screams, walking towards me, "I know you choose gold because it remind you of him! I'm not stupid!"

He keeps walking towards me, an anger so full of hate in his eyes that makes me shudder. I back away, stumbling over my feet in my haste to get away. "Sebastian, I didn't choose Gold because of Jace. I choose it because it's a beautiful color, and it's one of my favorites. That's it."

My back hits the wall. Sebastian is inches away from me. Our eyes lock, and I can his burning anger. It consumes him, filling him, controlling him. But, behind that, there's a flicker of fear. Sebastian's afraid. And he's afraid of losing me to someone else.

"You're afraid." I mutter, not realizing I said it out loud.

"What?" Sebastian says, his voice deadly.

"You're afraid." I say, my voice clear and strong. "You're afraid of losing control, of not being able to have what you want. And you want me, but you're afraid that you're losing me. Or are you afraid because you think you already lost me? You're afraid Sebastian, and you always have been, you just mask it behind that unrelenting wall of anger."

With each word I say, I take a step forward, pushing Sebastian back. By the time I'm done we stand in the middle of the room. My eyes lock with Sebastian's. He's furious. His mouth is opening and closing, unable to find the right words. When he can't, he raises his hand, getting ready to strike me.

I hold my head high, keeping my gaze level and steady. I won't let him see my fear. His eyes darken and he strikes. A sharp slap rings throughout the room. I flinch but take it, not so much as showing my pain.

He seems to realize what he did and his eyes grow wide and pleading. But I'm done. I turn on my heel and walk out of the room, my face expressionless. I look one last time at Sebastian before I close the door, sealing him in with his mistakes.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

As soon as the door shuts I let my tears fall. I run through the halls and out into the garden, ignoring the stares I'm getting. I rush into the stables and saddle my horse. Within minutes I'm on my horse, bursting out of the stables.

The wind wipes at me, dragging my hair in a fiery trail behind me. I relish the sense of freedom, the feel of the wind on my face, the feel of my horse underneath me. My cheek stings slightly, but I ignore it, letting myself get completely lost in my own world.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

JACES POV

I'm walking through the gardens, lost in my own thoughts and regrets. A flash of red flies through my vision, and I glance up. Clary rushes through the garden and towards the stables. Seconds later she comes out riding her horse, riding like something is chasing her.

Or she's trying to outrun someone.

It takes me all of a minute to saddle one of the horses in the stable and chase after Clary.

I know I won't be able to catch up to her until she starts to slow down. Her horse is fast, maybe the fastest in this country. There's no chance that I'll be able to catch her.

That doesn't stop me from trying.

The wind whips through my hair so fast that it's making my eyes water. I ignore it. Only one thought is racing through my head. Get to Clary.

After what seems like forever Clary's horse comes into view. It's tied to a tree about thirty feet from where I am. I slow the horse I'm riding down. My breathing is coming hard and fast. I control my breathing, making it come out soft and even.

I pull my horse to a stop next to Clary's. Dismounting I search the area, looking for Clary's small form.

My eyes lock onto red hair. Clary's back is pressed into a tree. She's hugging her knees, her head buried in her knees. Her small frame is shaking slightly. I think about the night we kissed, and I saw her crying, looking exactly like she does now.

I hesitate. She probably doesn't want to see me. Hell I don't even want to see me. I walked away from her. She asked me to stay, and I walked away from her, I _left_ her. I told her we could never happen, that we don't stand a chance. And then I left her.

Another sob racks her body.

I won't leave her again.

I walk over to Clary and sit down next to her. I pull her into me, shielding her from the world. She tenses in my arms, her crying cutting off. Her green eyes find my gold ones. I smile at her, and that's all it takes for her to bury her head in my chest, her sobs taking over again.

I hold her, letting her cry. I tuck her under my chin, and stroke her hair, letting my fingers tangle in her soft curls. My lips are forming comforting words, trying to sooth her. Eventually her sobs turn into trails of tears, and then stop. She pulls away from me and looks into my eyes.

My hand cups her cheek and I wipe away the last bit of tears. She smiles faintly, but it's such a broken movement that I feel my heart twist painfully. Clary seems so lost, so broken. She's so different from the fiery person she was a few months ago.

And it's all his fault.

"What did he do?" I ask, my voice hard. Clary just shakes her head, tears filling her eyes again. I cup her cheek and turn her head towards me, so she has to look into my eyes. "Clary, what did he do to make you cry?"

"Hehitme." She mumbles, her words becoming a jumbled mess.

"Clary." I say, my voice soft, pleading.

"He hit me." Clary whispers just loud enough so that I can hear. Anger courses through my body, tinting my vision red. He hit her. He _hit_ her. That prick hit her. My fists clench, my knuckles turning white. He hit her, he hit Clary, one of the best people in the world. My jaw clenches, my vision turning red again.

"I'm going to kill him." I seethe.

Clary's eyes fly to mine, hers wide and full of fear. "Jace no. You can't tell anyone. Please. You can't. Jace, don't do anything about it. It's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal?" I say, my voice rising, "Clary he hit you. He made you cry. I'm not going to let him get away with it."

"Jace. No. Please, don't tell anyone."

"Clary he can't get away with this."

"Please. Please don't tell anyone."

"No, I'm not going to let hi–"

"For me." Clary says, cutting him off, "For me. Don't tell anyone for me. Please."

I pause. I meet Clary's eyes, wide and pleading. She's asking me to do something. For her. I take a deep breath, "Fine. But if he so much as lays a finger on you again, you tell me. Got it?"

She nods her head, and I let out another sigh. I can't believe that prick is getting away with hitting her.

I tighten my hold on Clary, pulling her closer. She snuggles into my chest, clutching my shirt in her small hands. I rest my chin on top of her head and close my eyes.

This feels right. Real. Like how it's supposed to be. Just me and her, the rest of the world fading away. It's just us, and nothing has ever felt this perfect.

 **(a/n) More Clace! I love writing Clace scenes, they're so much fun.**

 **So I wrote this chapter instead of doing my homework because I'm procrastinating on doing my history homework. So yeah! Procrastination = more updates! Well I'm going to go do my homework now. Thanks for reading darlings, and don't forget to leave a review about what you think, and any suggestions are welcome.**

 **-Samantha Beatrice**


	14. Authors Note

**Authors Note:**

 **Hey guys. I'm so so so so so so so so so sorry that I haven't updated I like weeks. I'm having a major writers block and for some reason the scene just isn't coming out how I want it to. I can't tell you when I'm going to be able to have it up, but I can tell you that as soon as I can get it written, it will be up the day of.**

 **Now since I'm having such a major writing block, if you guys have any suggestions please leave a comment or PM me. Characters, plot, scene… whatever you guys are thinking please please please tell me. I can't promise that I'll put it in, but it might help me get over this block.**

 **Thank you so much to all of you who have been reading my story and have been leaving amazing reviews. I'll update as soon as possible, I promise.**

 **Samantha Beatrice**


	15. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

I'm wearing my wedding dress. White satin hugs my petite form, flaring out at my waist. It cascades to the floor in white waves, hovering centimeters away from the floor. A long train trails behind me, covering the floor in white. My shoulders are bare, the neckline dipping into an elegant sweetheart. The satin is gathered at the bodice, pulling towards the middle in sharp lines. Everything is simple but elegant, just the way I want it.

Women buzz around me, adjusting measurements and pinning the dress into the proper places. I stand perfectly still, letting them do their work. I'm staring at the mirror in front of me, my eyes locking with my own.

The color seems to have drained out of me, my pale skin looking even paler, almost sickly. My lips are turned down in a frown, the smile that used to grace my lips all but forgotten. A slight crease rests on my forehead, and I'm not sure if it's from worry or scowling. The scariest thing of all though, are my eyes.

They look hollow, empty. Like all the emotion was sucked out of them. The usual bright light in them is gone, my green orbs now dull. Something seems to be missing from them, like something was broken.

Something _is_ broken.

Tears prick at the corner of my eyes, blurring my vision slightly. I close my eyes, willing the tears to go away. I already did enough of that yesterday.

The door behind me bursts open. I turn slightly, looking over my shoulder to see who just came in. A small smile touches my lips when I see Isabelle standing there, a bag half her size slung over her shoulder.

I should have known that Isabelle would want to help with making my dress.

She walks over and says as kindly as possible, "Do you think that I could have an hour alone to work on the dress? You guys have done an amazing job – no, more than amazing. Fantastic. The Princess looks stunning. But she is my best friend and I would love if I could help with her dress."

The ladies are already walking out of the room, a small smile on their faces. Either they know Isabelle isn't just here to work on the dress, or they are just glad that they get a break from working on the dress. Either way, I'm glad that they're out of the room.

As soon as the door closes behind the last one, I let the tears I've been repressing all day fall.

Isabelle is beside me instantly. She wraps her arms around me and says, "Clary, please don't cry, it's going to be okay, I promise. This will all work out one way or the other. Everything will be right soon enough, you'll see. Everything's going to be okay."

Anger courses through my veins. "Everything will not be alright!" I scream, "I am getting married for crying out loud! This sort of problem isn't going to just get fixed when we wave our imaginary wand! No matter what I say or do, I am still going to be stuck in this situation! Nothing we do is going to fix it!"

I crumple to the floor, more tears streaming down my face. I wipe them away angrily. I am so _sick_ of crying, but it seems like the only thing that I can do anymore.

Isabelle walks over to me and sits down next to me. She looks me dead in the eye, her gaze unwavering, and says, "I promise you Clary, everything is going to turn out all right. It might not be now, or tomorrow, or in a week. Hell, it might not even be in a month. But I promise you, it will be okay. Everything will sort itself out, you just have to sit tight and trust that it will be."

I look at her skeptically. I have to trust that everything will turn out all right. I feel another tear slip down my cheek. I don't think trust is going to be enough to get me through this, I don't think anything is going to get me through this.

 **(a/n) It's been so long! But look! I finally got a chapter up! I know this isn't really a good chapter, in fact I'm pretty sure it sucks, and it's really short, but I thought I should really get a chapter up. So, here it is! Please leave a review and fav/follow if you want.**

 **-Samantha Beatrice**

 **p.s. I almost forgot! Thanks for all the suggestions. They helped a lot, really. If any of you have more keep 'em coming. So yeah, I think that's it….**


	16. Authors Note 2

**(a/n) GUYSSSSSSSSSSSS. I am soooooooooooooooooooo stuck with this story. Like every time I try and write anything, it comes out as complete crap. Like really, really, really crappy. Like I delete it cause it's so crappy.**

 **So, I have decide that I'm going to put this story to the side for a while. This DOES NOT mean that I'm not going to finish it. I AM DEFINTELY GOING TO FINISH THIS STORY. Promise. I can't say when, but I will finish it.**

 **Now with that out of the way I have another announcement.**

 **I'm going to be starting a new clace fanfic. I'm actually writing it right now, so no promises but I may have the first chapter up next week! This isn't replacing this story. In fact, I'm hoping that if I write a different story with these characters, that it will help me with this one. SO NO WORRIES.**

 **That's it! If you guys have any suggestions/opinions on this story, please leave a comment or PM me. Thanks for sticking with this story darlings. I promise to finish it.**

 **-Samantha Beatrice**


	17. Authors Note PLEASE READ

Author's Note

Hey Guys. So, I'm not sure how many of you are still interested in this story, or care about what happens. It's been almost half a year, and that is such a long amount of time, especially to stop and start a story.

Basically I'm writing this to tell you that I have started rewriting this whole story. I've realized that this story is slightly squished, and quite honestly at this point isn't up to my standards as far of my writing. I can say that my writing has improved so much since I've started this, that over these eight odd months I've worked really hard to become a better writer, but the only way that you will believe me is when I post my first rewritten chapter. I'm changing the plot slightly, but only to add more substance to it. The basic story that I started is still going to be there. I promise.

Now this is the real reason I'm writing this message to all of you. **I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO HAVE AT LEAST ONE BETA-READER FOR THIS STORY**. As the people who started reading this story and stuck with it through its first rough draft faze, I'm asking you all first. So if you're interested please, please, please PM me.

I understand if you guys have all given up on this story by this point. Most of the time when someone does this to a story I'm reading I don't even bother to pick it up again. But if you do, THANK YOU. Everything you guys have said and done since the beginning of this story has really motivated me.

 **THANK YOU TO ALL MY REVIEWERS**

Thank you JammyHerBooks for my first review, and the others that followed.

Thank you Helen and L for having only nice things to say.

Thank you alexis ash234 for telling me that I have to continue this story.

Thank you Belle Ashheart-Provos for making me smile.

Thank you Castiel1979 and dana102 for telling me I have to update. I need that sometimes.

Thank you .TMI, berri0203, Ashley, Sophiew0311, and all the guests for all the suggestions.

Thank you La Orator for telling me that I could write, because at the time that was exactly what I needed to hear.

Thank you Evangeline Pond for making me laugh and feel proud of myself, and all the suggestions you made.

I read through you reviews yesterday and that gave me all the motivation to pick this story up again.

 **THANK YOU TO ALL MY FOLLOWERS**. 59 of you decided to follow this story, and every day that blows my mind, because 59 people decided they wanted to read my story. 32 of you favorited it, and that just makes me smile.

Okay I'm done, I promise. I just wanted to make sure that all of you knew exactly how much you all helped me as a writer. This was the first story I ever started, and every time I got a follow or a review and made me believe that I could actually do this.

Thank you so much darlings.


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